One Minor Problem

Luke, to whom Lily addressed this note, cannot read.

Mr. Lucas

Me - "Trevor Bannister died."
Mom - "Who?"
Me -  "Trevor Bannister, 'Mr. Lucas.'"
Mom - "Oh! I didn't recognize the name straight away."
Me - "Is he the last to go? No, isn't Capt. Peacock still alive?"
Mom -  "I don't know. But Mollie Sugden died and I know John Inman did as well."
Me - "You're right. Ages ago, right?"
Mom - "Recently, I think. Last few years for both, I'm almost positive."
Me - "Really? It seems like it wasn't that recent."

Ten seconds of Google skill work.

Me - "You're right. This says Inman died in 2007 and Sugden in 2009."
Mom: - "That's what I thought. And Miss Brahms died a couple of years back."
Me - "Who was I thinking of that died a while ago, then?"
Ella (age 6 1/2) - "Abraham Lincoln."

What's my name?

Luke (age 3 1/2) - "No, she's Annabella Victoria Robbins!"
Me - "Yes, that's her full name. What's yours?"
Luke - "Lukey!"
Me - "No, your full name, like 'Sophie Leigh Robbins' is Sophie's."
Luke - "Lukey! L-U-K-E!!!"
Me - "No, your middle name as well. Just like 'Lillian Rayne' is Lily's."
Luke - "Oh. Boogerface. Lukey Boogerface."

Breakfast

Ella (age 4 1/2) - "I shoulda cooked this."

To Do

Ella (age 6 1/2) left me a To Do list.

NASCAR

(During a SportsCenter segment on NASCAR) 

Lily (age 7) - "Car racing? What is this crap?!?!"

Old Lady

Ella (age 4) - "When you were a kid what did they call you?"
Me - "Ruth."
Ella - "That's an old lady name."

Mashed Potatoes

Ella (age 3) - "Is Texas a place what likes mashed potatoes?"

Slaves

Ella (age 5), during discussion of Virginia's Confederate History Month - "There aren't any slaves here anymore. The people who made slaves were bad. They made the slaves do all the work while they sat around and watched tv."

Cheesecake

Ella (age 5) - "I love cheesecake. I would marry it if I could."

Goldfish

Ella (age 6 1/2) - "Mom, I can't open this bag of goldfish?"
Me - "Sure, give it to me."
Me - (struggling to open bag)
Ella -  "I know, right? Fuck that thing."
Me -  "..."

Failure

(Kent is putting the kids to bed. Luke and Sophie are having full on tantrums.) 

Lily (age 7) - "Do you hear that, Mommy? That's the sound of failure."

Stink

Me - "Luke, what's this?"
Luke (age 2 1/2) - "Hand."
Me - "What's this?"
Luke - "Eyebow."
Me - "What's this?"
Luke -  "Sock."
Me - "No, what's under the sock?"
Luke -  "Stink."

Birthday

Me - "Luke, what do you want for your birthday?"
Luke (age almost 3) - "Corn!"

Mario Kart

Luke (age 3), after a particularly exciting Mario Kart race - "Great job, me!!!"

Noise

Me -  "Luke!! What are you doing?"
Luke (age 3) - "Nuffing. You don't hear dat noise."

Santa

Me -"Luke! You have GOT to stop peeing in your pants."
Luke (age 3) - "Or Santa will bring me rocks?"
Me -  "..."
Me - "Yes!!! Or Santa will bring you rocks."

Scat

Ella (age 6 1/2) - "You know what this is? Scat."

Lily (age 8) - "What?"

Ella - "Neil Armstrong couldn't remember his words, so he made up scat."

Me -  "Wait, what?"

Lily - "Oh yeah, he couldn't remember, so he made up scat."

Ella -  "YES! He forgot the words to his song, so he started singing nonsense words. Scat."

Me -  "..."

Me -  "OH! LOUIS Armstrong!!!"

Lily -  "So, it wasn't on the moon?"

FYI

More HELP

HELP

The Cheese Dip

Ella (age 6 1/2) - "What's this stuff on the driveway?"
Me - "Oh, that's the cheese dip. It fell out of the car and broke."
Ella - "Cheese?!?! Why does it always have to be the cheese? I can't take much more of this."

Really Tough

Ella (age 6 1/2) - "A guy in a dress is really tough, you know? Because he's mad that he's wearing a dress."

Texas Wedgies

Ella (age 6) to Luke (age 3) - "I'm the only Texan in the family. That means I can give Texas wedgies."

Drunk Driving

Lily (age 6) - "What's drunk driving?"
Me  - "When people drive after drinking too many beers. You shouldn't drink beers and drive, it's dangerous."

Five second pause

Lily - "Ok, I'll drink my beers at the stop lights."
Ella (age 4 1/2) - " Not me. I'll drink mine in the back seat. While Lily drives."

I Do Love Cheese

Ella (age 2 1/2) to Kent - "I don't love you. But I DO love cheese."

But Not Your Face

Lily (age 4) to Ella (age 2 1/2) -  "I like your shirt. But not your face."